We have been living in our new house now for two years. It’s a great house and I love it and I love the area we live in.
My children have come on leaps and bounds since they have been at their new schools and they have made some great new friends.
I don’t do the school run very often, my husband does that because it’s just too far for me to walk on a regular basis and I don’t drive. He is very black & white, you either like him or you don’t. He’s not worried what other people think of him, he will quite happily sit on his own in the school playground and think nothing of it. It doesn’t matter to him that he hardly knows anyone around him, he keeps himself to himself and he’s happy with that. Don’t get me wrong, he is friendly person and he will speak to people but he won’t go out of his way to make friends and start conversation with people.
I am completely different, I am a people person, I like to talk to people and make friends. I like to go into the school play ground and not feel awkward standing there on my own.
I’m Grateful that the hubby does the school run because I know I would struggle doing it everyday but sometime I’m envious of him because if he wanted to he could get to know all the parents and make friends.
School runs he will do, Childrens parties on the other hand are a completely different matter. He has always left that down to me, he can’t handle all the noise and screaming. I don’t mind at all going to the parties, I love seeing the children playing with their friends and having fun. The parties and the odd occasion that I can do the school run are the only times I can really talk to the other parents and try to get to know them.
Some of them know about my leg and the ones that do look at me with sympathy and just ask if I’m OK or how my leg is. Other parents don’t even realise i’m Kiras mum and their child plays with mine.
At the parties I try to make conversation with the other parents but it doesn’t last long, I’m a bit younger than them and I feel like I just don’t fit in. They are all lovely and really friendly. They all have very good professional jobs, they go on holiday 2-3 times a year, they go on group spa days. They can give their children opportunities and experiences I could only wish to give my children. Most of the time I sit there just listening and not really getting involved in many of the conversations. I feel a bit out of my depth.
It’s funny how you can be surrounded by people and feel really lonely at the same time. Before we moved I had a good circle of friends, the conversations was easy and I knew if I ever had a problem or just needed a chat, I could go to any of them. It was easy to be myself around them, I didn’t put pressure on myself or feel the need that to make a huge effort to fit in with them.
It is nothing to do with the other parents really. I’m pleased for them that they can do all of these things and they work dame hard to get where they are, I’m just envious of them.
I know these insecurities have come from me over thinking things and worrying too much about what people think of me. The ladies are all stunning and dress stylish and the men are gentlemen and dress smartly. I’m not very good at the whole hair and make up ‘stuff’ and we can’t afford to go out and get all the latest fashionable clothes, so I worry about the way I look to everyone. Do I look scruffy? Is my hair a mess? I hardly ever wear make up because I make myself look worse with it on.
I think if I were able to do the school run and get to know people around me then maybe I wouldn’t be so harsh on myself but for now I just can’t do it. Sometimes when I’m stood in the playground or at parties on my own and I look around and see the parents in their little groups, I feel maybe I’m not good enough, I wish I had stayed in the old house, being around the people I know, the people I called my friends.