First I want to tell you a bit about my son Callum, he’s my first-born and my only boy. He is not my husbands biological child. Me and his dad separated when he was 8 months old. When he was born I was only 17, I had a very supportive family and Callums dads family were very supportive but Callums dad just wasn’t ready to be a dad yet.
For 2 years it was just me and Callum, My mum and dad helped out a lot when he was younger, I was still at college and working. To be honest I think I relied on them to much and still wanted part of my teenager life. I am very grateful for all their help.
Callum has grown up with Stew as his step-dad for the 9 years and it has changed him hugely, Callum was a naturally shy boy, he hardly spoke to anyone that wasn’t family, he wasn’t very confident when trying new things. He had been with me or my mum for most of his life so we had unintentionally girly-fied him. ( If that’s even a word! haha!) So when Stew came along and became part of our family, slowly Callum started to pick up on the more boyish traits. In the past few years Callums confidence has grown massively and he’s becoming, what people call, a proper boy.
What happened tonight shows just how much his confidence has grown and that he’s turning into a little man.
Over dinner Callum says to me ” Mum can I talk to you” I start thinking ‘Oh no what’s happened, I hope he’s OK’ I tell him, of course, he can talk to me about anything. The next thing he says actually shocked me quite a lot. He says ” I’ve met a really nice girl called Bethany, I want to ask her to be my girlfriend but I’m not sure how to do it”
OMG! OMG! my first thought was, no way! he’s too young to have a girlfriend , he’s only 11. I think he noticed the look on my face and started to get a bit defensive and whic made me stop and think, this is his life and he must like this girls quite a bit to ask me for help.
So for the next 20 Minutes we sit there coming up with ideas of how he can ask her to be his girlfriend. He is still quite shy around girls and he told me he doesn’t want to stutter and look silly. The ideas we came up with were …
- Ask her if she could see him as a boyfriend or just as a friend.
- Ask his friend to go and ask her to be his girlfriend.
- Be brave and ask her out-right.
- Write her a note at break time and get his friend to give it to her.
- Send her a text message and ask her.
- Ask her friend to ask her if she likes him.
It was quite funny hearing the ideas he came up with, most them involved him not actually asking her himself.
His final choice is to write her a note at break time and actually give it to her himself. I am so proud of him for wanting to step out of his comfort zone to ask her.
It never really entered my head to think about my sons first girlfriend. I know at this age its nothing to really worry about, he is a sensible boy and it’s not going to be a proper serious relationship.
All I know about Bethany is that she has long brown hair, she’s really funny, really brainy, she likes playing on the XBox and she is in most of Callums lessons.
It’s really funny to see him getting giddy and nervous about asking her, I’ve never seen him like this before. At one point I had to stop myself giggling. If I had laughed, he would have stropped and not spoken about it any more and I want him to feel like he can talk to me about anything.
This is a really big deal for him and I hope he has the courage to follow through with his plan.
Tomorrow morning is going to be interesting, I’m not sure if he is going to wake up feeling determined to ask her to be his girlfriend or if he will wake up nervous and doubting himself.
I think I am going to be nervous for him tomorrow and will be waiting on the edge of my seat for when he walks back in our front door after school.
I am very new to all of this and I know its only going to get worse when my girls get older and start talking about boys in that way. I would really like to hear any advice you can give me on how to handle this situation because It has only just come into my head ( As I’m writing this) If she says YES. How do I deal with that situation without becoming an over bearing mum?