My life: I’m struggling

x-ray-223836_640Last week I ended up in hospital, having an X-Ray. I was sent up there by my doctors because they thought I had fractured my foot, on the same side as my ulcer, Thankfully there is no fractures but I have done a hefty amount of damage to my muscles and ligaments.  This has caused me quite a few long sleepless nights. In the next two paragraphs I’m going to briefly tell you about how thing were before my injury.

I can generally keep my house ticking over quite well, I have good routines that I stick to all the time, which saves the build up of laundry and the dishwasher is emptied and re-loaded everyday ect. If I didn’t have a leg ulcer, the house would probably be more kept together but I am happy with how I much I can get done. ( I have a new cleaning routine, which I will be blogging about very soon.)

Now coming onto my children, Ella was in the tail end of the terrible twos and her behaviour was slowly getting back to normal, we have more good days now than we do bad days. Kiras behaviour can change from day-to-day, one day she is my sweet little 6-year-old and the next she is 6 going on 16. Callum is just finding his feet at secondary school and is starting to push the boundaries finding out how cocky he can be and what he can get away with. They are not naughty children, they just like to push their luck sometimes.

Getting back to now. The pain in my foot had been building up for a couple of days, it had got to a point where it was unbearable and I could hardly walk, The doctor told me to up my anti-inflammatory tablets and if needed up my Gabapentin for nerve pain. I have been doing that and its been helping to take the edge of the pain. I still can’t walk properly and I need crutches in the mornings until the tablets kick in. I am limping more now and that is also causing my back and hips to ache.

rain-1700515_640Have you heard the old saying ‘It never rains by it pours’ that’s how my life is going right now, Over the past week since I injured my foot both girls have come down with an awful viral infection and a cough that’s keeping them both up at night, as one is settling the other starts to have a coughing fit, I’ve had to change PJ’s and bedding at stupid ‘o’ clock in the morning where they have had a coughing fit and thrown up. (My girls share a bedroom) You would think with them being poorly, their behaviour wouldn’t be too bad but NOPE not my girls, their behaviour has got 10x worse and it’s not the wingy, clingy behaviour I was expecting. Kira seems to think its OK to be rude to people and is blatantly not listening to me. Ella seems to have back tracked into the terrible twos again.

My house has become a complete sh*t hole, no matter how much I try to keep on top of things nothing is working. I seem to be completing my routines and then having to go back and re-do most of it again. I feel like I’m really struggling to keep it together at the moment, I’m feeling so much more stressed out and my anxiety is rising higher and higher each day. **

** This might sound strange to some but I have anxiety issues over the state of my house, I’ve come to accept I can’t do it all the way I want to but I have a certain level of cleanliness and tidiness I like to keep it up to and when I can’t keep it above that line that’s when my anxiety alarm starts ringing and I know that’s when something isn’t right. **

With the added pain and childrens sickness, I’m not getting very much sleep and that really causes havoc with my stress levels. I  feel like it’s all getting on top of me and I’m not sure how to dig myself out, I’m the type of person that keeps going and going until something clicks into place or I end up burning out, however I’m not sure I have the cold-2722002_640strength to do that this time. The doctors have told me I need to rest my foot and my leg as much as I can and at the moment, that’s exactly what I want to do, just curl up under a blanket, not worry about the kids wreck the house for a few day. Maybe if I rest for 99.5% of the time for a few days, my muscles and ligaments would have healed and I can get back to being normal and having everything under control again, However by doing this, there is a big chance that my laundry baskets will turn into mountains and we will run out of clean plaits to eat dinner from. This then makes all my jobs harder because I have to try and play catch-up.

I hate it when I start struggling, I hate not having control of things I normally would and I hate being stressed out because we all start to suffer. When I am stressed for a long period of time I find that I get unorganised, less patient with the kids, my concentration flies right out the window and I get forgetful. My school day morning routine seems to be completely out of sink and the same for my evening routine. I’m going round in circles at the moment, everything takes me twice as long to do as I can’t walk very well, which means I don’t get all the jobs done in the normal time frame, which means I’m up and moving around for longer, this causes me more pain and I end up sleeping less. Then the circle starts again.

I’ve learnt how to cope with the pain from my leg ulcer and I’ve learnt what I can do and when I need to stop but when I have to deal with other pain on top of that, it completely throws me off-balance. It’s just turned 2am as I’m writing this post. As I look around I can see toys left out, cups left on the table, the dishwasher hasn’t been put on and I haven’t done any laundry today. I would normally have the urge to tidy up when I’ve finished typing this up but I know it will only make me struggle more tomorrow as I’ll be in more pain.

cold-1947995_640I’m really hoping the girls will be on the mend soon, once they are back at school and nursery, I can start resting my foot more and then I’ll be on the mend and hopefully will be able to sleep a bit better and be more productive during the next day.

It would be great to hear from people who have suffered from a muscle or ligament injury in their foot, I would be really interested in finding out ways you have coped when you have been injured.

Also this anxiety issue is new to me ( Blog post coming soon) and I’m still learning how to deal with it, If you have any experience with anxiety, please contact me, I would love to talk to you.

xx

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